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Funniest post yet: Ticket Poetry
July 20th, 2008 by witherow
As I have mentioned before, my friends and I share the same bizarre sense of humor. This is especially true of my friend Mike DeStefano. A year or so ago when I was in grad school, we tried to get a group together to see Leave it to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse, a hilarious play I recommend. Securing the tickets was going to prove a little tricky, requiring some advanced planning over email. Normal people’s email might go something like this:
NORMAL PERSON 1:
We need to get tickets for the play. I will save a place in line. Then when I have have to leave and go to class, you and Molly can come take my place and get the tickets.
NORMAL PERSON 2:
OK. And then I will send you tickets through the dormitory mail system, which, as you know, is also called “night mail,” and about which we have a joke about gnomes that try to intercept all things that go through it.
NORMAL PERSON 1:
Yes. This is a good plan. Thank you for your time.
*Normal persons then go on with their normal and somewhat boring lives*
Not so with us. We decided to spice up our correspondence by parodying famous poems. It looked something like this:
EMILY:
Mike and Molly,
Would you, could you, at that time?
Would you, could you, stand in line?
Seven seats, if you don’t mind,
And those of the four-dollar kind.
And recompense shall not be slack–
(I’ll hound them ’til they pay you back).
I’ll try to get there after nine
And save you two a spot in line.
But once the bell shall toll for ten,
I’ll have to go to class again.
If you would help us get our seats
We’ll take you out for ice cream treats!
=0)
Thanks, guys!
[[staring at a computer screen for way too long,
Emily Seuss]]
MIKE responded e. e. cummings style:
I
Will be in line and stuff
…….thanks for
the placeholding….
…..we……will hopefully
getticketsintime
I hope there isn’t a
big
line
EMILY responds in traditional Japanese haiku:
your cummings-like verse
made me laugh out loud at my
desk, making a scene.
Our good friend Steph may
be able to get tickets–
She has connections.
MICHAEL MANLEY HOPKINS DeSTEFANO:
As the sun shines, slowly
Spanning its warm welcoming width
On the long line loyally latching
With persistence the Psmith passes perilously
Molly and I will with waiting take
The tickets tolling our evening’s
diversion delightful and delicious
(…the audacity of me to parody a well known poet to an English major…I must be out of my mind maddeningly)
EMILY DICKINSON PARK:
Your Madness makes Poetic sense
I like—the Way it Rings.
So remember—not to take Offense
When this non-Music major—Sings
Uncertain we are, but Four tickets
May come—to Stephanie
That she will Purchase from a Friend—
Then tickets we Need—Three.
This Alteration of our Design
Still teeters—hangs Uncertain—
Wednesday—I’ll be in Line,
And let you know—
Then—
ALFRED, LORD DeSTEFANO:
Half a yard, Half a yard, Half a yard onward,
Into the Lobby of FMA, Up to the P&P window
Marched the two ticket-seekers.
People in front of them, People behind them
Still they marched on
They accomplished their mission
Noble Two Ticket seekers
(P. S. In case you thought my cadences too ambiguous, I wanted to let you know that we got the tickets, all four of them. would you like me to give them to you or shall I keep them? You might be the more organized, safe solution.)
EMILY CARLOS WILLIAMS:
so much depended
on
your ticket-getting
today
I only appear organized
but
I can keep the tickets
safe
MICHAEL R.R. DeSTEFANO:
Seven tickets for the friends going to the play
Four tickets from me who purchased them
Three tickets will I night mail to you
One ticket I will keep for myself
In the Land of Smith, where I reside
One ticket to let me in
One ticket to admit me
One ticket to bring me,
and to Psmith admit me,
To the land of Britain where Psmith lives
EMILY POUND:
In a Station of the Theater
The apparition of these British chaps and all
PSmith in Per form ance Hall
MICHAEL LEWIS CARROLL
Twas brillig, and the lavender gnomes
Did waltz and try to steal the night mail
All chartreuse were the evil gnomes,
And the tickets were black and white
One two! One two! and through and through
the Vorpal spoon went snicker snack!
She left them dead, and with her tickets
She went galumphing back.
(Check night mail tonight for the tickets).
E.R.P. TOLKIEN (okay, I admit, I repeated a poet. oops.)
The hours go ever on and on,
But yet from the Dorm where it began
The night-mail seems not to have gone,
Check the Smith box, if you can.
The night-mail guys with weary feet
Decided not to go the way
Where BJ guys and Siddons meet.
And why is that? I cannot say.
(That is to say, I didn’t get the tickets. I hope they’re still in the box.)
EMILY REBECCA LOUIS STEVENSON (after the tickets appeared the next night):
Under the wide and starry sky
‘Cross campus did the tickets fly,
Borne gladly by a night-mail guy,
And slipped beneath my door.
Into my handbag, way down deep
In cavernous darkness now they sleep,
There have I put them, and safely keep
Where gnomes can reach no more.
Posted in Poetry that oughtn't, Strange E-mails, Uncategorized | tagged Alfred Lord Tennyson, Dr. Seuss, e.e. cummings, Emily Dickinson, Ezra Pound, Gerard Manley Hopkinks, haiku, J.R.R. Tolkien, Lewis Carroll, parody, poetry, Robert Louis Stevenson, William Carlos Williams | | 1 Comments
