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Kids, don’t try this at home
January 1st, 2009 by witherow
My sister Becky can come up with some truly scary ideas at times. Ideas she tirelessly insists will work, brushing off many of our (well-founded) objections. Here’s one she feels particularly passionate about. I’m allowing her to guest post here just to get this off her chest, but I honestly don’t recommend you try this one …
TWICE THE TEMPERATURE, HALF THE TIMETM!
Catchy, isn’t it? But what does it mean? Why, I appreciate you asking! Let me explain.
It’s simple, really. Anyone who has completed junior high math, or can at least operate a calculator, can apply this principle. In order to cook foodstuffs, one puts said foodstuffs in the oven at a certain temperature for a certain amount of time. Thus the formula for cooked food is:
number of degrees x time in minutes = cooked food (also written as nd x t = cf)
Let’s say you have a roast you’d like to cook for supper, but you don’t want to wait an hour and a half for it to cook. So you whip out your calculator and apply the TWICE THE TEMPERATURE, HALF THE TIMETM principle.
An average roast cooks at 325º for 90 minutes. So if you set your oven (or kiln, whatever the case may be) for twice 325º (which would be 650º), the roast will only need half of the 90 minutes (which would be 45 minutes) to cook. Wonderful!
Let’s look at the scientific explanation for this roast-cooking phenomenon.
Old-fashioned cooking method:
325º x 90 minutes = 29,250
New-fangled cooking method:
650º x 45 minutes = 29,250
There you have it, folks- scientific proof that TWICE THE TEMPERATURE, HALF THE TIMETM really works! As you can see, the same number of degrees is applied to your meat, but in half the time. Voilà! The TWICE THE TEMPERATURE, HALF THE TIMETM principle makes your life more efficient, one supper at a time!
*Letters of adoration and generous monetary contributions to fund my cooking show are graciously accepted.
*The Great F is not responsible for any illness acquired due to food poisoning or salmonella.
*This principle is a trademark of the Get Rich Quick Schemes Department of Great F Unlimited.
Posted in Brilliant ideas ... | tagged becky, cooking, ideas | | 4 Comments
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on January 1st, 2009 at 8:54 pm
29,250 whats?? What does this number mean? It doesn’t make sense!
on January 1st, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Oops, I applied your principle, turned my oven up to 700 degrees, and my house burned down. Where do you live, Great F? I need to come, um, talk strenuously to you about this!
–anonymous submitter who is not witherow (ignore the avatar)
on January 1st, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Something doesn’t seem to pan out about all of this…ha ha ha…a good one right? “pan” out? Get it? Ha ha ha.
Now to the actual important things. What if I wanted my secret-formula pot roast done in a minute? By your math:
Pot Roast normally cooked:
325º for 180 minutes =
*whips out calculator*
58,500 something-or-others.
1 minute method:
(roughly) 41,600ºF x 1 min = Pot Roast.
Let’s get a comparison:
Hottest temp on earth ever: 143º
Melting point of Lead: 327.7º
Surface of Venus: 863.33
Melting point of Iron: 2,800º
Surface of the Sun: A balmy 9,941º
Temp at which flash combusts immediately: 1,217º
To sum it all up…
BURNT POT ROAST!!
on February 9th, 2009 at 8:51 am
This reminds me of the Family Matters episode where Laura Winslow applied the same, albeit, less academic principle.