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‘Tis the season … to instant message

November 29th, 2008 by witherow

Decorating for Christmas on the heels of Thanksgiving reminds me of last year at this time, when I was at the apartment decorating, and my roommate Steph was still at home eating turkey and stuffing and mashed potato sandwiches (I assume). I saw she was online and sent her a message.

ME
I decorated the tree. :)
You’ll like it.
my theme was “bananas”

STEPH
oh boy.
so, are you friends with Dante yet?

[Dante is Steph’s beta fish]

ME
um, yes. Isn’t he there with you?
confused by your random question!!

STEPH
yes.
he’s here with me.
he’s been pouting all weekend.
i have Dogbook for Dante
he is friends with Marzipan and Becky

ME
Hahaha! can he be friends with me and Mocha?

[Mocha is my family’s overweight toy poodle]

ME
Oh, fyi
Dante isn’t a dog

STEPH
um, isn’t it what’s on the inside that counts?

ME
dog biscuits?
That’s what’s inside of mocha

STEPH
He’s the spirit of a dog in a fish body
OH!
you haven’t commented about my latest word in Scrabble . . .

ME
let me go look at it …

[I then proceed to look at our online Scrabble game, where I discover Steph has played the word “bridoon” and placed it in such a way that she earned 70 something points.]

STEPH
HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

ME
we hates you, precious

STEPH
bridoon.
used in horseback riding.
thank you, riding lessons in 7th grade!

ME
I cannot begin to describe how deplorable that is

STEPH
BRIDOONS!!!!

ME
I shall now lament.
brace yourself.
alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!

STEPH
I know you don’t have that many As.

ME
is this a slam on my academic record or something?

STEPH
no; it’s the letters you may/may not have for your Scrabble game

ME
That was a lament, not a move

STEPH
you might actually get more points that 3 per move if you use that many letters . . . ;)

ME
hey now …

STEPH
hee hee. jk
well, i’m going to go eat dinner now.

ME
Okay. I’m going to put mousetraps in your … I mean, eat some chips and salsa

Posted in Uncategorized | | | 3 Comments

Some Post-Election Humor

November 15th, 2008 by witherow

Now that the national elections are over and we can go back to our normal lives without tripping over “Schmoe for Senate” signs in our yard or listening to hours of “paid for by Rich Politicians” advertisements, it’s time to look back and make fun of the whole campaigning process.

Some time before the elections, my friends and I were emailing each other, trying to determine a night to celebrate our friend Brian’s birthday. We couldn’t decide whether we should go with Thursday or Friday. Then our friend S.Austin, who works as a grad assistant for our school’s English department and who had obviously had enough of all the political propaganda, wrote the following:


S.AUSTIN:
And now for the public service announcement about why everyone should VOTE YES FOR PROPOSAL THURSDAY:  the dining common is serving pizza joes for dinnenr. Bah.

My name is Stephanie Austin, and I approved this message.

MY REPLY:
Stephanie Austin will tell you that the dining common is serving pizza joes.  She will tell you that this is a BAD thing, using strong words like “bah.”

But sources tell us that back in April of 2004, Stephanie Austin in fact ate a pizza joe of her own volition! Can she really have it both ways?

Austin also claims to be an English teaching G.A.

Then why can’t she spell the word “dinner”?

Stephanie Austin: an expert on pizza-based meals? You decide.

Paid for by PumpkinAnkles, Inc.

STEPHANIE CONNORS:
I, a non-biased third party, would like to take this time to take about how, without the cooperation and help of all the world, we will never be able to have world peace.

Tell me, what is important in this world?  Whether or not someone, someplace, at a pizza joe?  Whether or not dinner may or may not be spelled correctly?  Whether or not there are spaces between the words “pumpkin” and “ankle”?

What is important is that all of cross party-lines, put aside our personal preferences, and join together to accomplish Good.  And that we Change.  And that we Recycle. And that we Save Polar Bears.

So, bring your Polar Bears, Change your plans to Mellow Mushroom, and let’s all join together for the Good of Brian’s party.

(We’ll recycle the party hats.)

MIKE:
I vote for Friday. That’s my conscience. I must be true to it.

S.AUSTIN:
I vote for Friday too. Unless, of course, voting for Saturday will make me a more likely candidate in November.

ME:
SEE HOW SHE FLIP-FLOPS AND PANDERS TO THE WHIMS OF THE PEOPLE???

paid for by PumpkinAnkles, Inc.

S.AUSTIN:
Yeah well, I’ve spent years as a GA office wing organizer. Check out my amazing experience.

Finally, our friend Rebecca set us straight, using a dictator name she once chose from a how-to villain book:
REBECCA:
And then Mistress Blood Scourge sweeps in to do completely away with all democracies.  Mistress Blood Scourge says that Friday night seems to be the general consensus so we will go on Friday night.  Any who complain will become stains.

Posted in Uncategorized | | | 1 Comments

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