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Emoticons–Rebecca style
June 30th, 2008 by witherow
Here’s another fresh and original emoticon. After all of these new ones I’m compiling here, who needs to use the boring old conventional ones?
This one arrived via email from my friend Rebecca. (Thanks, Friend Rebecca!)
Posted in Emoticons | tagged Emoticons | | 0 Comments
Homeschool Conference Madness: “Children in Bulk”
June 25th, 2008 by witherow
My sister Heidi once expressed how she didn’t like classroom teaching. It wasn’t because she didn’t like children individually or in small groups. She said she just didn’t like children “in bulk.”
Well, Heidi, now I understand what you’re talking about.
On June 20 to June 21, some friends and I headed down to Sumpter, South Carolina (a place I didn’t even know existed. Apparently it’s about an hour from Columbia). Our mission: run the children’s program for a homeschool convention taking place that weekend.
Here I am with Melissa on Friday morning, all smiles as we get ready to head out.
Mel, Allison and Brian were likewise cheerful.
It seems only Kevin, here looking armed and dangerous (with a SuperSoaker) had any idea of what we were getting ourselves into.
After arriving in Sumpter and setting up the stage and making approximately 63 gallons of instant lemonade, the children began coming. And coming. And coming. It was kind of like in the old movie The King and I when that goofy music is playing and the dozens of royal children keep coming in, except there was no music and they weren’t Siamese and they didn’t have those goofy hats. But other than that it was the same.
We tried to keep the 97 children at bay with puppet shows and songs and Bible stories and outdoor games. But it wasn’t quite enough. Things got to their lowest point about 3 hours into the program, at the dreaded craft time.
150 pipe cleaners.
97 children.
6 adults.
2 bottles of glue.
Let the madness begin.
Here Mel, me and Allison demonstrate how we all felt at this time.
After that, we had a short (very short) break. By that time the rest of our party came, bringing the adult count to 10, and we figured out how to get a little better organized. Things went a little more smoothly after that.
Karen takes over checking kids in and out.
Puppets Elmer and Ralph were always a big hit. Even when Ralph coughed up a puppet frog out of his throat and showed it to all the kids. Later he coughed up a puppet alligator. (By the way, Brian Tojdowski, you have a twisted imagination.)
During Fun Night, Kevin performed some amazing magic—I mean, illusion—tricks (which were pretty amazing—how does he do that?), and we also had skit time.
Here, in the classic “Superheroes Who Never Made It” gag, Say-Everything-Twice-Man (played by Allen) fails to stop the thug (played by Todd) from stealing the money from the hapless victim (me).
After the children left on Friday night, the group split up and spent the night in host homes. Allison, Mel and I were treated to a beautiful cabin home that our host himself had built for his family.
Here’s the room I stayed in. Floors, walls, ceilings—throughout the entire house, everything was beautiful stained wood. I can’t get over how amazing the whole thing was.
On Saturday, we geared up for another day. We played water games, did more crafts, fed the children snacks, did puppets and illusions and skits, then went out and played more water games, did more crafts, fed them more snacks …
Lorna (in green) led the outdoor games. Yes, the bullhorn at her side was necessary.
Here Allison, me, Brian and Todd perform the infamous Rhyming Song.
“The stars are twinkling in the sky,
The Rhyming Song, the Rhyming Song
There’s no hot water in my hotel!
Uh … the Rhyming Song??”
And then, at last, the children (some of whom we actually had become somewhat fond of) all went away. And there was much rejoicing!
Well, it was kind of a subdued rejoicing, because none of us had any energy left to exert on such frivolity. We were lucky to drag ourselves to the restaurant.
After stuffing ourselves at Outback Steakhouse and drinking all the water and sweet tea we could manage, we all piled into our respective cars and prepared for the two-hour trip back to Greenville. I guess we could have thought that one through a little better.
Actually, the trip back was fine. Blessings on Allison’s head for not only driving us back, but actually staying awake the whole time. This is not something we take for granted.
And the country we were going through was absolutely gorgeous.
Finally relieved from our duties, and enjoying the pleasure of sitting and resting in the car, there was only one problem. Every time I tried to close my eyes all I could see were children, children everywhere, crowding around me and asking me for more glue …
Posted in Hijinks, That's life | tagged children, friends, Homeschool, puppets, South Carolina, travel | | 3 Comments
Emoticons–Stephanie style
June 11th, 2008 by witherow
Yep, here are some more from an email today. Can somebody say … too much time on our hands?
ME
Long-lost roommate! Can I crash your Taco Bell party with Rebecca tonight?
:=3) That’s a guy with a big flabby nose smiling at the thought of Taco Bell.
Uh, he’s not invited, though.
:=3( [frown]
That’s better.
STEPHANIE
Hee hee. Yes, you can crash our party. We like it when you do. 
:=>) that’s a guy with a roman nose who is smiling at you because he likes you.
but you don’t like him back.
:=>( [frown]
that’s better.
ME
oh boy!
Cl:oB that’s a hillbilly with buck teeth who also isn’t invited.
he’s frowning , but you can’t tell because of his large dental units.
STEPHANIE
>8} (evil man)
{:E)8 (a 1900s man with the straight part, a mustache, and a bowtie)
Posted in Strange E-mails, Uncategorized | | | 0 Comments
Emoticons
June 10th, 2008 by witherow
Emoticons. We all know what they are—those little faces made of colons and parenthesis and lower case p’s and all sorts of other symbols that don’t really look what like they supposedly represent, but we all pretend. Becky and I, in our many emails back and forth, have started experimenting and inventing our own system of creative emoticons, usually competing with one another to come up with the best. Here is a very small sampling of what we’ve created. (For those of you accessing this blog through JAWS, I’m not sure exactly how to describe the emoticons, but the comments we make about them should keep you entertained nevertheless.)
Typical email 1:
BECKY: -{( 
)
that, my friend, is the face of the queen of england saying “so what?”
ME: Cl:-p}
That is the face of a portly English gentlemen in a derby hat sticking his tongue out at you. That or licking crumbs off his chin. It’s hard to tell.
BECKY
Which chin?
ME
All of them.
Typical email 2:
ME: 
/ (that’s a guy with a big round nose)
BECKY: :*o (that’s a guy who is lamenting the fact that his nose is not centered)
ME: :@/ (that’s a guy who has a pig snout and isn’t sure how he feels about it).
[Becky then draws a very elaborate picture in punctuation that is quite impressive]
BECKY:
v
(¨) I
\/:\_I
[:] I
/ \
_/ \_
(that is a roman soldier who is kind of bored)
[I respond with a single hyphen]
ME:
-
That is the Amazing Mr. Imperceptible. He is completely invisible except for his bottom lip. It’s too bad you can’t see the rest of him, because he is very impressive.
BECKY:
cheater.
and my roman soldier was more impressive before i sent him. but in cyberspace he must have fought in some sort of mortal combat, which explains his now out-of-joint hip and broken legs.
Posted in Strange E-mails | | | 2 Comments
A wee bit o’ Scottish fun
June 7th, 2008 by witherow
Yep, time for another grand adventure! I went with Christy and guide dog Reba to the Greenville Scottish Games, an annual outdoor festival held at Furman University, which has a tradition of being 1) always a great experience and 2) always in the middle of an extreme heat wave.
I came prepared for the festival. Not only did I practically take a bath in SPF 50 sunblock, I’m wearing a shirt with a Claddagh [pronounced clah-dah], though it’s technically an Irish symbol. The two hands represent friendship, the heart they’re holding represents love, and the crown on top represents loyalty … or at least that’s what About.com says
Others dressed up a little more for the occasion. There’s no place better than the Scottish festival to see hundreds of otherwise normal men wearing knee socks and kilts. I think this guy was part of some sort of parade or something, since he’s holding a flag of what I assume is some specific Scottish region or clan.
Wow, I feel like I’ve just stepped into a production of MacBeth. Notice this guy’s huge sword slung across his back. Yeah, it was pretty awesome.
One of my favorite parts of the festival is visiting the many specialty vendors. I purchased cool Celtic knot earrings and Christy got a Celtic mood ring. There were also kilt accessories, bagpipe pieces (apparently you have to assemble your own), swords, shortbread, flasks and bumper stickers that said things like Great Scot! We also found custom-made dog collars in the tartan patterns of hundreds of different counties and regions of Scotland. They even had some Irish counties, and we managed to find the pattern for Donegal, where my grandmother grew up (yep, I’ve got authentic Irish in me). I was going to get one for one of her toy poodles, but then I discovered they cost 24 bucks a pop. So sorry, Hershey, the thought will have to count.
Oh, did we mention the temperature outside was pushing a hundred degrees? This is why I took very few pics of me and Christy. Stops to stand in front of this oversized fan basically kept us alive. I’m soooo glad I wasn’t wearing a woolen kilt!
Then it was time to eat. Among other things, this stand is advertising (in the small print) “Haggis Pockets.” Mmmm …
So yeah, pretty much Christy got a chili dog and I got some ice cream—the kind that’s made of tiny dots. Christy insisted on my having a new (safe, American) food experience (she and her sister were also the ones who convinced me to eat the deep-fried Oreos a few weeks ago). The dots tasted great, but the only real difference I could tell between it and regular ice cream was the texture.
While we were eating and then watching a program, a dude walked by wearing a kilt and carrying an electric guitar! Alas, my camera was in my bag, and I missed what would have been the perfect cover photo for my dissertation. (As some of you may know, I am currently compiling information for a dissertation titled “People Are Weird.” At the moment I have more material than I know how to work with.) Anywho, the rest of the time, I kept my camera handy, but the electric-guitar-kilt-dude was gone.
I did manage to snap a photo of these kilt-wearing punks, complete with tattoos. It’s not the best picture because I was trying to snap a photo without them knowing I was doing it.
This very friendly Celtic warrior let us take his picture, however. He said he goes to Christy’s church. So I guess the warrior get-up is only for special occasions?
Christy and I found a shady spot and watched the border collie competitions. Using a series of whistle commands, the shepherd gets his highly-trained dog to herd a small group of sheep through a series of gates and into a pen. It was pretty amazing to watch. Christy and I felt really bad for this one guy whose dog was doing well until he was trying to get the sheep into a second pen. The dog lost control, one of the sheep panicked and ran into a fence. We think the sheep was okay, but he may have damaged part of the sheep pen.
Reba: “Mom, why can’t I chase the sheep too? That’s it. I’m switching jobs, I mean it.”
Oh, and of course, here are the Highland Games, which consist mostly of giant men in muscle shirts and kilts throwing heavy stuff. I love culture!
Then, after a stop to a nice, American Chick-fil-a and PetCo (where Christy and I decided we wanted one of everything, even the snakes), we headed home, possibly a little dehydrated and sunburned, but feeling very culturally enriched … we think.
Posted in Hijinks, People Are Weird | | | 3 Comments
It’s not easy being a guru
June 4th, 2008 by witherow
A grammar guru, that is. In my new job as an editor/writer/final authority on all things grammatical, I find myself as the one everyone comes to with the most nitpicky questions about punctuation, capitalization, abbreviation and dozens of other things that don’t end in –ation. For example:
QUESTIONING COWORKER: What is the proper way to abbreviate California?
ME (speaking): Why, according to page 231 of the AP Stylebook, it’s Calif.
ME (thinking): In the grand scheme of life, how does this matter? Somebody please tell me. I am losing my mind.
Don’t get me wrong. I can who-versus-whom as well as the rest of them, but being expected to speak in perfect grammar at all times and yet not sound like Professor Bunsen Honeydew is a bit tricky. So I have to be careful. When that doesn’t work, I have to resort to fudging.
For example, one day my friends and I were emailing back and forth about going out for pizza.
ME
Yes, let’s. They have some really good desert pizza tonight.
[I know, I know—I struggle with the spelling of desert vs. dessert. So sue me.]
SMART ALECKY FRIENDS
Um, don’t you think desert pizza will be a little … dry? I think you mean dessert pizza.
[Okay, time to fudge.]
ME
Um, if I had meant dessert pizza, I would have written dessert pizza. I mean they have desert pizza. It’s made with cactus juice and roadrunner pepperoni. DUH!
MY FRIENDS
Eww …
And then there’s the tricksy good-versus-well issue. Most people can answer the question “How are you doing?” with a simple “good.” But not so with grammar gurus. Alas, we are held to a different standard.
FRIEND
How’s the Emily?
ME
The Emily’s doing good.
FRIEND
Don’t you mean you’re doing well?
ME (fudging)
No. I mean I’m actually doing good. You know, like rescuing kittens from trees, recycling, helping octogenarians cross the street … all morning. Good deeds galore. Very busy. Whew. Let’s go eat.
In my defense (or in my desperate attempt to come up with one), English is not an easy language to master. The spelling system is totally whack (and I have historic evidence to prove its whackness. Ask me the next time you’re in the mood for a tirade). The grammar has been tampered with by funny British men in powdered wigs during the 1700s who tried to force Latin rules onto a language that was primarily Germanic/French/Schizophrenic. By schizophrenic I mean that English tries to take on the identity (including pluralization, spelling, and grammar) of several languages at once, usually when you’re writing a paper in a hurry and your spell check is on the blitz. As some insightful guy named James Nicoll said, “English doesn’t borrow from other languages. English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.”
Posted in That's life | | | 2 Comments
