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Radioactive Bran
May 18th, 2008 by witherow
I associate with some very strange people who also happen to be hilarious. Some of the e-mail correspondence I’ve had with them has been downright hilarious. Basically, one of us will say something completely off the wall, and the other reacts like he or she knows exactly what’s going on and adds new (bizarre) details. And on and on it goes, getting weirder all along. So (with their permission) (I hope), I am going to post some of the funniest selections.
The following snippets took place between my sister Becky and I about a year ago. I’ve omitted some of the irrelevant stuff.
BECKY
sorry. was i gloating? :-p
EMILY
I think you were glowing, actually.
You need to stop eating those Uranium-O’s for breakfast. When it was just your tongue glowing, that was one thing . . .
BECKY
but i’ve switched from Uranium-O’s to Radioactive-Bran
EMILY
You really should pay attention to the biohazard symbols and Environmental Disaster Warnings all over the box. They’re not just there for decoration.
BECKY
silly, they don’t come in a box. they come in an unmarked lead vault.
EMILY
Yes, your roommates have been complaining about that. They say they’re not always in the mood for lead poisoning.
Just thought I’d give you the head’s up.
BECKY
all of my roommates are gone…
EMILY
And you wonder why.
BECKY
not really. i know they think my Radioactive-Bran glows strangely and that my pet granola bar is unfriendly.
EMILY
I’m afraid to ask how the aforesaid pet granola bar manifests its unfriendliness.
BECKY
he’s been better now that i’ve given him the key to the sun deck.
EMILY
That might explain why girls are coming down from there with sunburns and oat marks.
BECKY
yeah, well, please don’t tell the RAs… they really don’t need to know.
EMILY
I won’t tell the RAs. Although I don’t think it will be too hard to track down where the oat marks are coming from. I mean, you’re the only one with a pet granola bar . . .
{We then somehow got onto the subject of chocolate milk, which for some reason we’ve taken to calling “cocoa moo”. This week was the national American Association of Christian Schools competition, which our school hosts. This means many, many, many high schoolers on campus and crowds everywhere. So when I mentioned chocolate milk, she responded …}
BECKY
don’t say that. the milk line in the dc was too long today so i didn’t get my cocoa moo with my waffley breakfast….grumble…angry mutterings… >:-(
EMILY
As I breakfasted, my waffles syruping,
Suddenly I heard some burping,
As of high schoolers, slurping, slurping,
Slurping away the cocoa moo
‘Tis some visitors, I muttered, slurping,
Slurping away my cocoa moo.
Sorrow for the lost cocoa moo . . .
BECKY
quoth the becky “please, no more!”
Posted in Poetry that oughtn't, Strange E-mails | | | 2 Comments
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on May 18th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
how does one sleep at night when one glows? this is something else…
on May 19th, 2008 at 5:54 am
I must say that I think this “poetry” that oughten’t must be published!
it will make for imaginations everywhere to be stretched and livened up just a bit. If we can grasp the image of a monster that looks like a green olive . . .
As far as the whole pet granola bar inflicting his marks on unsuspecting young ladies, should anyone be concerned about that? As long as there isn’t any biblical significance . . . .
What flavor is this pet granola bar? I think I want one!